I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
