he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
