spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I want her autograph on my taint
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
