I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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