So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
