Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
