Well douche your snatch and let's go!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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