Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
