I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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