weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
