everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
