So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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