I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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