so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
