Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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