You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He shit in the fireplace
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
