I will die if light touches me.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
