I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
