shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
