things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The beer is more important than you right now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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