I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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