Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
