I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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