oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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