i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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