Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
They have beer where we have blood.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
