we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
