She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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