Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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