Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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