just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
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Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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