we have pet lesbian snakes
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
