You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I need to align my fucking chakras
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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