I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
