I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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