Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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