please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
