Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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