Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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