I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
