I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
