oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
did i just pee glitter
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize