Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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