by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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