someone owes me an orgasm
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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