Yo dont text me then not text me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
