I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
