did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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