Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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