A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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