my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
