Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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