Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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