I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
