well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
two words...techno handjob
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
