My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
