I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
