you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
