She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
