meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
