I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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