She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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