Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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