I got chris browned last night
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml