Texts From Last Night

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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.

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  (774): He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came. http://tfl.nu/1m8k
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole

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  (705): i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole http://tfl.nu/tpm5
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.

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  (630): That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims. http://tfl.nu/e1gu
  Replies (10) Good night (4856) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

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  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (25355) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.

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  (713): I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now. http://tfl.nu/lp4s
  Replies (34) Good night (1734) Bad night (4228) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..

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  (585): I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking.. http://tfl.nu/q39t
  Replies (10) Good night (3361) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.

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  (605): it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead. http://tfl.nu/wbpi
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started

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  (847): then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started http://tfl.nu/q84m
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.

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  (334): I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does. (1-334): Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers. http://tfl.nu/3563
  Replies (21) Good night (4520) Bad night (689)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.

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  (316): Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip. http://tfl.nu/doru
  Replies (12) Good night (2459) Bad night (487)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.

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  (715): tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder. http://tfl.nu/8ixi
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?

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  (314): Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard? http://tfl.nu/d7iq
  Replies (5) Good night (812) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.

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  (720): Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description. http://tfl.nu/i5hv
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close

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  (312): When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close http://tfl.nu/wkbe
  Replies (12) Good night (1427) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.

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  (248): PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW. http://tfl.nu/5tmy
  Replies (7) Good night (847) Bad night (229) Order T-Shirt

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