I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...