What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.